Coming out

Ok so yeah I've been AWOL for a couple days but its only because I really wanted to write something funny for the next post and every time I sit to do it...ugh it's always serious stuff up in that damn giant misshapen head of mine!!! So here is my coming out story and then some "Love Won Out" fun stuff lol.

First off I will explain what Love Won Out or LWO is: LWO is a traveling all day conference put together by Dr. James Dobson and his company Focus on the Family. They have 2 different set ups for the conference, one is geared towards "helping" gay people turn straight and the other is more for parents who need to deal with having such a horrible thing as "becoming" gay happen to their child. The conference, as i said, is a day long and is separated into different sections based on different areas of ummm well gayness haha. They have different speakers and some classes. The main thought of these guys isn't of hate but it is truly based on love, misguided as they are they truly do care. They believe gay people are made gay by and early event...such as not having a strong father figure and or not playing in the dirt and with bugs and manly things(I am not even kidding about this, they said boys need to find and associate with manhood early on like playing with bugs and getting dirty). so with that in mind read on and let the fun begin!!!!

So I came out..my mom laughed because i was nervous and she was like "DUH" LMAO. My Aunt cried and thought I was joking and then told me she knew people who could "help" me...ugh. All in all it went really well. My Grandpa said he tried it out once but it wasn't his thing OMFG LOL....I hope I don't get into trouble for saying that. My Grandma said well I knew something was going to happen when he was 2 and had his appendix out then a testicle removed!!! So according to her you are gay if you have two organs removed at the age of 2!!! I was really luck because everyone was really cool. Oh yeah but my brother said he didn't want a fag near him and my sister was a little devastated at first but they are both my biggest supporters now.

The hardest thing about coming out is First: Being OK with it yourself, you have to accept yourself and be ready to say fuck you all if you cannot accept me when I have!!! Second: How to do it. Do you tell everyone that you've been lying for 19 years or do you lie again and say you just realized it. Answer...you tell the TRUTH. It’s coming out not crafting yet another BS life. Third and Final: Be ready for anything, anything is possible. Just make sure you are ready.

Ok, so, I actually was staying with my aunt at the time and even though she hated the "sin" she still loved me, which i guess was good enough for free rent. I am not the one to let things go when someone is wrong. I need to MAKE people understand the RIGHT thing in any situation. So, with this in mind, and knowing that Aunt B would not be easily swayed from her stern beliefs in silly old stories written by men who were most likely high and or drunk, I decided to take the high road...umm and did I mention free rent and great free food?

Eventually Aunt B asked me to go to this Love Won Out thing as a favor to her. I said sure, but she had to agree to accompany me to a pro-gay type event someday. She agreed as long as it wasn't a bar or where people would be naked lol!!! Well I wasn't about to take her to a place to turn her off to the whole shebang so of course I too agreed. I also agreed to go because I think it's great to know your "enemy" I guess isn't the best word but it's good to be informed about all things, especially when they concern something about you.

LOVE WON OUT....It was a joke. The main guy was completely gay. Yeah he was married with like FOUR kids now but he was gay. At the question and answer time I chose to ask "Since we are suppose to achieve our manhood and all that shouldn’t you be less gay then, you are pretty gay acting and it seems God should have helped to heal that as an appearance of sin?" Well he actually got really angry when he read that. Oh yeah we had to write the questions and send them up in a basket of sorts. So his response was very angry and went something like "Do you want me to respond to this how i want to or should I try to keep my Job?" Then there was a big laugh from the audience...my Aunt knew instantly it was mine and gave out a little laugh. At this point she had been pretty annoyed with a lot this particular guy had to say...i think specifically when he said he even use to drive the "gayest" car. She thought that wasn't a very accurate or helpful remark. And Bravo to her for that. So anyways He basically said that whoever wrote this is ignorant and obviously his girlymanhoodness or whatever was from the women who raised him. Ok fine to an extent but come on, that’s exactly what i use to say to the kids at school who said I was kind of girly. So I know an excuse when I hear one.

I also went out to the gay protest happening outside during break and so did some LWO people. I gotta say, I wish there could have been some better gay people there. They really didn't have their facts about the conference and weren't very well spoken and kinda seemed stupid. Well most I should say, a coupe later in the day were decent and some P-flag type moms came as well. I tried to fill them in but i think they though i was a spy lol. The LWO people actually were really cool and fed the gays lunch and invited them inside...sadly none agreed. I made a joke about check the food for homo-cide and it was received with mixed reaction sadly LOL.

STILL GAY!!!!! Over all I gotta say, the conference did seem to be done out of love and well presented for the most part. They are misguided by old stories from a time when control devices were still being put in place in the form of religion. I am very glad I went and Aunt B still owes me the return favor!!!

OH OH OH OH...They were creating CDs from that actual conference session...it was all friggin day for real...well you could buy a set or just a segment...can you guess which segment I bought??????......Of course the Q&A, and I had everyone I knew listen to that Fag up there.

Luv Ya, even if you are stupid...but I probably wont talk to you if you are too stupid because I just don't have the time for stupid these days.

-StevenCody

Born Me...

On January 12th in 1981 I was born-Wet, Sticky, 8lbs and Gay.

I knew I was gay from a very young age, the first boy I can remember having a crush on was my lanlord's son when I was five.
Knowing my attraction to other boys never bothered me, I never felt guilty or ashamed...that is until I heard the word fag. I learned that gay people are perverts and degenerates and maybe even mentally ill. I sat in bed many nights asking God(usually out loud) to take away my feelings for other boys or, at the very least, give me the guilt that I hear so many have about these feelings. Never happened. At the age of 13 I was sent to live with my aunt. It's something I always wanted and I truly feel that saved my life. My aunt is a very "religious" (she hates that term) person and thus began my baptist teen years at a christian school. I went through all the motions and jumped through the hoops never feeling anything but frustration. I still was asking God to give me guilt or shame, or at the very very least some feeling that these other christians were having. Well, either it's true what the Phelps (Those very crazy Westboro Baptists) say and I was pretty much passed over to receive God's grace and Gay becuase he hated me or maybe just a lost sole??? These feelings of guilt and shame I have heard so much about seemed so abstract to me. I told God that he said "ask and you shall receive" and "seek and ye shall find" but it seemed God's phone was disconnected for about 10 years there.

Eventually I was expelled from the christian school about half way through my junior year. I chose to move back with my mother and went to a tiny farm country school for my Senior year. I was devastated, I had lost all my friends and I was alone. This would be my 8th school, but only the 3rd highschool and the last was just to finish out my junior year. This was the first time in my life when I was unable to make any friends. I was sick of being in the closet and it was harder to hide. I could hear, for the first time, people talking, whispering and taunting me nearly every day. On the plus side I finally focused on school and did very well!!! This was also the year that Columbine happend and I actually sympathized with the kids who commited this horrible act. I know I know I shouldn't say that, but I was feeling these things-these horrible thoughts about hurting these people. How dare they treat me this way, they don't even know me...how can people be so cruel. I thought how easy it would be to just shoot one or all of these assholes. Then Columbine-BANG! I felt sorry for these people now. I had to learn about people and cruelty and where it comes from. I didn't want to hurt these people, I just wanted to graduate and let them learn from life. Well really I wanted to teach them about compassion and acceptance but I just didn't have the time.

I graduated, went to college, came back, came out and grew up....

I was originally going to recount my experience of coming out and later attending the "Love Won out" conference by Focus on the Family as a favor to my aunt. That is a great story, but I am going to try and hold back for now. I think im wordy and want people to get through at least one damn entry.

Plus I think at this point i'm still talking to myself soooooo until tomorrow...

-Stevencody